


listening to my head (instead of my heart)

by SuchCringeJay



Category: ONEUS (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff and Angst, Hanahaki Disease, I actually made myself cry, Light Angst, M/M, Mentions of Death, YOUNGJO STOP BEING A BITCH, dongju is an idiot, geonhak is a coward, hanahaki, keonhee is mentioned but doesn’t play a big role, kinda my take on hanahaki, kinda sad, laps lock, please don’t scream at me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-29
Updated: 2020-05-29
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:41:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,684
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24433006
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SuchCringeJay/pseuds/SuchCringeJay
Summary: "you know that fairytale that our parents used to tell us when we were kids?" geonhak looked at dongju curiously. "the troll one?" dongju giggled and shook his head. "the one about the flowers!" geonhak chuckles as he heard dongju speak about that. "oh come on dongju, we aren't five anymore" dongju pouts and grabs geonhak's hand.who was geonhak to believe some silly tale their parents told them?
Relationships: Kim Geonhak | Leedo/Son Dongju | Xion, Lee Keonhee/Son Dongju | Xion
Kudos: 29





	listening to my head (instead of my heart)

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first time back after a ton of writers block so i decided to finish a fic i had been working on since december, i meant to finish AND publish this in december but i never did. so uh yeah, here it is.
> 
> (please ignore any spelling mistakes it isn’t beta read)

_"you're never gonna get over him."_

_geonhak looked up and sighed, it was his best friend, dongju. geonhak smiles softly and scooted over so the younger boy can sit next to him. "you don't even know the guy, next thing you know you're going to be asking everyone in the school if they know who i'm in love with." geonhak chuckles and looks at dongju lovingly._

_"which is why i'll never tell you, because once you know you're going to end up telling everyone at school, and i'm not down for them to find out i'm in love with someone, heck you're the only person who knows i love them." dongju smiles and thinks up an idea._

_"does this person have a boyfriend or girlfriend?" geonhak glares at dongju. "and i would tell you that because..?" dongju giggles and playfully hits geonhak. "because it makes it easier for me to find this person! plus, i need to know if it's a girl or not because girls are yucky!" dongju giggles, and geonhak chuckles. geonhak loved dongju, everything about the younger boy was charming, even if dongju could be a brat at times, geonhak loved that about him._

_"he doesn't have a boyfriend yet, but someone is going to ask him out so i have no chance, like he only thinks of me as a brother figure, so either way, it's unrequited." dongju sighs._

_"you know that fairytale that our parents used to tell us when we were kids?" geonhak looked at dongju curiously. "the troll one?" dongju giggled and shook his head. "the one about the flowers!" geonhak chuckles as he heard dongju speak about that. "oh come on dongju, we aren't five anymore" dongju pouts and grabs geonhak's hand._

_"well maybe it's real, if that boy doesn't like you, you could die geonhak!" geonhak shook his head._

_"geonhak, you could be coughing up flowers soon, if your crush says yes to the person that asks him out. i know it's silly but i'm just being cautious, i don't want you to end up with hanahaki..." geonhak sighed and looked at dongju with a soft smile._

_"don't worry about me dongju, it's okay, i'm not going to die from coughing up flowers, it's a silly myth our parents told us to scare us into not falling in love." dongju nodded, he knew everything was going to be okay, he was just being over dramatic_.

geonhak sighed as he remembered that moment with dongju. he remembers when later that day the younger boy had been asked out by keonhee, who knew geonhak had a crush on dongju but still went and took him away. it had been a month and geonhak was still so in love, and he knew this was unrequited love, but why did he still love dongju?

geonhak shook the thoughts away, he could get over his feelings, he could find a way to finally get over dongju, because dongju was already happy without him, dongju no longer needed geonhak anymore, and geonhak knew that.

geonhak kept thinking about it, but his thoughts soon came to an end when his chest started to burn, geonhak couldn't shake the feeing, after a few second he felt the burning travel to his throat, and he coughed, he couldn't believe what he had been seeing. there they were, cherry blossoms, dongju's favorite kind of flower, geonhak threw the petals onto the floor and ran to the bathroom.

it was myth, right? he had to have been in some sort of dream, a realistic, and painful dream, but it was real, and geonhak felt himself coughing up more flowers. geonhak let out a few tears as he felt the flowers come up, the burning sensation in his chest wouldn't go away, this feeling.. he hated it.

but he had no one, what friends could he trust? everyone he had known, left him, dongju had been the only one who had stayed after everything, but still managed to leave him, not even with a struggle. geonhak then thought about turning to his parents, but they'd just think geonhak was crazy for believing some stupid lie they told him when they were six.

geonhak thought it was silly. there had to be a reasonable explanation to this, maybe it was his mind playing tricks on him? he was delusional because he was hopelessly in love with his best friend.. right? geonhak shook his head, even if it was some sort of mind trick, why did this hurt so bad?

geonhak exited the bathroom and looked around his room. he called the one person he hasn't talked to in years, the one person who he disconnected with when they had a horrible argument and vowed to never speak to each other again.

"pick up, pick up, pick up.." geonhak was waiting for an answer, he needed someone and even if he hated his brother, he needed him, his brother was the only one who every understood him and believed him. geonhak needed his support, even if they haven't talked in years.

_"geonhak, you know i never want to talk to you again, or have anything to do with you." geonhak let out a shaky breath, he could feel more flowers coming up, but he didn't want to make his brother worry._

"i, um, need someone, i'm dying.. i don't have much time youngjo.." geonhak's voice cracked in the middle of his sentence, he was trying his best not to cough up the petals. he didn't want to see them, but he had no option, he had to cough up these flowers, because it hurt him so bad if he didn't.

_"nice try, geonhak, you've said that many of times before we fought and you still think that'll work on me?" he coughed. petals scattered all over the floor from where geonhak had been sitting._

"youngjo, please, i have a month at most.." geonhak pauses before he took a deep breath.

_"geonhak, stop, if this is some trick to get me to forgive you, it's not going to work! i told you time and time again, but you just don't-" geonhak cut his brother off as he began to speak._

"youngjo.. petals.. cherry blossom petals.. they come out every time i cough. and i- i dont know what i'm going to do, youngjo is hurts.. i need someone, and everyone i know is gone, and i.. i need you right now, because i'm going to die." geonhak let out a small sob.

_"geonhak, i'm not five, i'm not some stupid kid that'll believe that lie, you know that right?" geonhak sniffled._

"you're right. it's stupid, i've always been stupid. just know, if i die, tell dongju i loved him, he was the best thing in my life, and no matter what, even if i cough up petals because of him, it's not his fault... sorry for bothering you youngjo, i really thought you would care, or even believe me.. i'll never contact you again, in fact i'll delete your contact, and i'll never associate myself with you again. have a nice day youngjo, you were the best brother a person could ever ask for.." geonhak hung up and threw his phone on his bed.

he got up from the floor and walked down the stairs, he looked around his empty apartment, he was alone, he couldn't help but cry, he cried till he had no tears left, geonhak was broken, and he couldn't be put back together.

the next few days, geonhak hadn't gone outside, he had stayed in bed, his coughs getting worse by the minute. his time was shortening, and he didn't know what to do. for the past hour he had been staring at his phone, waiting for a text that would never get sent to him, dongju didn't care anymore, and there was nothing he could do.

geonhak sat up and looked at the clock, the ticking was the only noise geonhak had heard ever since the incident, other than his coughs, the ticking of the clock kept him sane, the constant ticking kept him in check until this disease was ready to take him. he was snapped out of his thought soon enough. it was the sound of his doorbell, he thought he was just hearing things, but it was rung a second time, and that's when geonhak ran to the door.

he opened up the door as soon as his hand made contact with the doorknob, he craved human interaction, it's what he needed, but it wasn't who he had expected.

"y-youngjo..." geonhak's voice was hoarse, he hadn't spoken in days, all he had been doing was coughing up the flowers he had come to despise so, so much. geonhak gathered himself together though, making sure he didn't look like a wreck to his brother, who had seemed better off without him.

"geonhak." youngjo's face softened as he saw geonhak. "i just wanted to check up on you, mom said you weren't answering her calls, and you never ignore mom..." geonhak looked down and chuckled deeply. "i didn't want to worry her.. i just.." geonhak attempts to hold back a cough.

"didn't want her to blame herself.." he looked back up at youngjo with teary eyes. his chest burned, he needed to cough, but he wanted to show youngjo he better off without him. "geonhak, please tell me you are alright, please tell me you aren't really dying..." geonhak couldn't hold it back. he coughed, he coughed and fell to the ground, there was flowers and blood scattered on the floor in front of him, from where he had fallen.

geonhak was shaking, blood dripped from his mouth, he tried to get up but couldn't. his strength was deteriorating, and so was he. his head was spinning, he looked up at youngjo who was panicking. geonhak was losing everything, and it was all because of a boy.

geonhak was blacking out, he didn't know how he ended up on the couch, youngjo smiled as he saw his brother wake up, he was waiting for the younger to come back to his senses. it hurt to face his brother who he hadn't seen in years, youngjo couldnt care less about their stupid fight, geonhak needed him right now, and he was going to be there for him.

"i'm sorry i didn't believe you geonhak.." geonhak looked over at youngjo. "it's okay, it's not everyday someone gets a call that their sibling is dying from coughing up flowers.." geonhak let out a sad smile. he reach for youngjo's hand, he hadn't noticed that he was shaking till now.

geonhak was going to spend his last moments with his brother, and that was okay.

—

days pass and geonhak has lost all his strength, youngjo was right there beside him, he wasn't going to leave until his brother had gotten better, or till his brother passed away. even if youngjo had ignored geonhak for years, he couldn't let his baby brother die.

so youngjo did the one thing he knew he could do. he was going to help geonhak out, even if he could get killed, youngjo would stay with geonhak.

—

"you're still in love with dongju?" geonhak nodded. "madly, he's so amazing youngjo, i couldn't imagine a life without him, he's my sunlight, my everything, my second half, and losing him is the worst feeling in the world.." geonhak looked up at the ceiling.

"there no point in living without him when he's gonna have to live without me, he won't now since he has keonhee, he doesn't care for me anymore. you see youngjo, life is tough when-" he was cut off with a cough, there was now more blood than there had been flowers, but the flowers were still there, being the pink color cherry blossoms are supposed to be, no hint of red from the blood.

"-you're dying." geonhak sighed, he was happy his brother came to stay with him, he was happy he had some support before he passed on.. right?

"what if you don't die?" geonhak looked at youngjo curiously. "the only way is to either tell dongju, but he'll reject me, or surgery, and which doctor in their right mind believe i'm coughing up flowers? youngjo, even if i wanted to live, whats the point? if i could get the surgery how could i live with myself knowing i got this surgery to get rid of my feelings for him?" geonhak looked over at youngjo.

"well maybe i found a solution for you to not die." geonhak rolled his eyes as he coughed again, this time hard enough for geonhak to suddenly sit up. "youngjo, i'm literally going to die tomorrow, there is no fix for this.." he wiped his mouth with a cloth and carefully laid back down.

"what if i told you dongju knows about everything?" geonhak rolled his eyes. "then i would kill you before this kills me." youngjo rolls his eyes and gets up before going to the bedroom door and opening it, to reveal a very teary dongju.

geonhak looked towards where youngjo had opened the door. "go ahead and kill me, but you probably want to talk to him first." youngjo game a small smile to dongju and let the young boy enter, as he exited.

"you're so stupid.." dongju walked over to geonhak and sat next to him. "what did i tell you? i warned you didn't i." geonhak smiles and looks at dongju who was also smiling. "you did, and i was stupid to not believe it wasn't i?" dongju nodded and reached over to hold onto geonhak's hand.

"i told you it was real and not just some dumb myth. my dad had it too, it's how i know it was real, but then he confessed to my mom, and here they are thriving as a couple." dongju smiles as he felt geonhak squeeze his hand tightly.

"i'm sorry dongju" dongju smiled and leans down to kiss geonhak's hand.

"don't be. you shouldn't apologize for something that you can't control..." geonhak smiles at dongju's small gesture. "i heard what said earlier to youngjo." dongju smiles softly and intertwines their hands together. "i didn't know you felt that way, it was probably very obvious but i was just oblivious.." dongju chuckles softly.

"i love you too, i always have, i know it sounds like i'm saying this to only make you feel better, but it's true, i always have.." geonhak smiles and squeezes dongju's hand. "then why did you say yes to keonhee?" dongju looks down sadly.

"i’m my mind, i thought that if i somehow gained feelings for keonhee, that everything would be okay, i thought that because you had a crush on someone that wasn’t me that i could move on from these feelings..” dongju places a small kiss on the back of geonhak’s hand and smiles.

“but i couldn’t, and i realized that you’re the only one for me. of course it was a late realization and all, but what matters now is that i’m here, and i will never leave your side.. again..” geonhak chuckled softly, the pain in his chest subsiding, no longer feeling suffocated by the roots that had been growing in his lungs. he was still weak, after losing a lot of blood from coughing, he was still going to have to rest, but at least he had dongju.

“what flowers did you cough up, by the way? were they random?” geonhak shook his head signaling that they weren’t random.

“cherry blossoms.. your favorite..” geonhak lifts himself up with the little strength he had, and engulfs dongju in a hug. dongju hugged the older back, resting his head against geonhak’s shoulder.

“im so glad to have gotten to you on time.. i couldn’t imagine a life without you. you mean so much to me and losing you would’ve changed everything..” dongju hugged geonhak tighter, he took a deep breath and smiled, speaking again, but this time in a whisper.

“i will never let you go again.”

**Author's Note:**

> i really hope you guys enjoyed it, this really wasn’t beta read so i have my doubts about it (´；ω；`) 
> 
> anyways, if you guys do want more oneus stuff i will gladly write it <3 
> 
> follow my twt! @bfsomi  
> and feel free to leave comments!


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